Hey there.
For years I have wanted to write. For years I have wanted to share. For years friends and family have mentioned and supported my writing and documenting life, as is. Now is the time. I would be lying if I said I was fully confident and didn't have a million thoughts running through my head. But one thing life has taught me is to be brave. Be fierce and life your life. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone.
My life has been turned upside down in the last 14 months. The best way I can share these situations is in a list form...
- Finding out I am severely anemic only after an emergency blood transfusion.
- False breast caner diagnosis.
- My horse died.
- Being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Granulomatous Mastitis.
- My mother in law unexpectedly dying.
- My cousin unexpectedly dying.
- My nephew being diagnosed with Stage 4 Medulloblastoma Brain Cancer at age 5. - This one hit the hardest on every level.
These are the big ones. Like really big ones. I have been a mess for quite sometime. I have fallen deep into depression some days that I forget to eat. I have been SO happy some days that I feel unstoppable. I have been physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted for months. I hide it well. The world still turns and life still happens. Horses need fed, kids need supper and clothes need hung. The easiest things are the hardest some days. Those closest know my struggles and have been a guiding beacon.
In the last 3 weeks I have stepped away from all my leadership roles in our community clubs, I have ended 4H projects early, I have said no to summer camps, finals, championships and a whole lot more. I have put a stop to the busy. I took a deep breath and acknowledged and recognized that this school year is a wash. I wholeheartedly believe we learned how to survive and cope this year. We learned how to do life when it was at it's darkest. I have looked at the reflection in the mirror and have made a promise to her that her health is important.
I fully acknowledge that these reasons and my struggle may be a drop in the bucket for others and I may not have had it 'that bad'. But this is My Why. This is my reason for slowing down, processing feeling and emotions and to learning to just be. I will be taking the time heal.
Writing is part of my healing. It is therapy for me. I am not sure what I will share or if this blog will have any kind of theme or direction but it doesn't matter. This is for me. If I can help other's cope, relate, laugh and inspire like I have from other's time and time again... that is just the cherry on top.
I already fell like I have shared too much. But the fog is lifting and I will share anyway.
Much love, Gabrielle
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